Things a wife learns at the pagoda to make her family happy

Dear Thay!

I have taken up self-cultivation at Ba Vang Pagoda for years. To me, those are the most helpful times in my life. You teach us sternly, but with immense love. When I make mistakes, you scold me but I know that deep inside your scolding, you want me to change and become better.

All these years, in spite of being stupid and not as diligent as my Dharma friends, I have always been supported and guided through my cultivation by the Monks as well as people surrounding me, who are like brothers and sisters, to transform myself. There are countless things Thay has done for us that we cannot list them all.

I would like to reverently show my gratitude to Thay Thich Truc Thai Minh — the greatest master of my life!

I also want to share the smallest transformations my family and I have made, which make me as peaceful as today.

Years ago, my husband used to criticise me for going to the Pagoda. However, after one quarrel (he was the one who spoke loudly), he blamed me for petty stuff. Then he asked: “What did your Thay teach you?”

I just kept quiet. That night, when my husband was sleeping, I sent a message to his phone. Since then, he has changed and become the one I can count on. He assists me in taking care of our children so that I can go to the Pagoda. I would like to write out the message that I sent to my husband:

“Yesterday, when you were angry, you shouted at me, “What did your Thay teach you?” At that time, if I told you what Thay taught me, you would get angrier. That's why now I will tell you so that you will be clear what Thay has taught me. From now on, please don't ask me again!

Thay teaches me that human moral virtues must include filial piety.

Having been to the Pagoda for five years, I have changed myself from an ungrateful child to the one who knows to forgive my mother's mistakes and apologise to her. Every day I incline my mind towards the gratitude for being born so that I won't suffer from later having undutiful children.

A couple offering tea to parents at Hang Thuan ceremony at Ba Vang Pagoda.

I show my gratitude not only to my natural mother but also to my mother-in-law for loving me and looking after our children. I vow that if we don't live together anymore, she is still my mother whom I will take care of and be obedient to with filial love.

Thay teaches me how to live in harmony with and yield to the husband's relatives

For many years, all sisters-in-law have done me wrong but I have never initiated rivalry and always endure the disadvantages and humiliation instead. You have witnessed that a lot so you must be the one to know clearly.

Thay teaches me that forgiving others is untying myself

That's the reason why I choose to forgive you and your mistresses and try to live with you without minding about the past.

Thay teaches me to be faithful to my husband.

No matter how you are, I have my principles; I don't compare my husband to others', I don't compare my family to others'. Therefore, no matter how you are, I have never complained or compared you with others' husbands. To me, you are a good husband and a good father.

Thay teaches me not to commit sexual misconduct

I always keep my mind pure and aloof from lust for others' husbands so as not to hurt my husband and my children. As a result, after all these years living with you, I have never paid attention to any other men.

They teaches me that my parents gave me this body and have struggled for years to bring me up.

I gave birth to children for your family and have taken care of your relatives without thinking about why I have this body. I have never thought about my parents accompanying me for decades before I married you. Therefore, I will not destroy myself for my hatred towards anyone. Although during all these years, I used to think of committing suicide because of weariness, thanks to Thay, my mind is now at peace.

Thay teaches me that blessings and merit of the mother affect her children

I know that I have to fulfill my duties as a mother, that is to accompany my children until they grow up. I will try my best to make them grow up in peace and become good citizens benefiting family and society.

Thay teaches me to keep my husband's reputation

That's why even if you are unfaithful in marriage, I won't let our children look down on you or let friends and colleagues make fun of you. There were days that you beat our children for no reason, which caused their repressed anger, I still told them that you were a good father who loved them so much and worked hard to take care of our family. I reminded them about Thay's teachings in a retreat that a child who developed the mind of hatred towards their parents was an undutiful one. So our child once sent you a message: “I am sorry for developing the mind of malice when you beat me.”

Thay teaches me that being His disciple, I need to be calm, cultivate righteous speech and avoid harbouring pent-up hatred and anger, hence a peaceful life.

We have got on well with each other for a while. When you quarrel with me, I stay quiet or explain gently. Do you realise that we have no longer had much conflict for a long time and our family is more at peace than before?

Thay taught me so many things but it is already strenuous efforts for me to learn all the things mentioned above. What's more, Thay said that whenever I have no home to return to, I wouldn't have to look for any places or struggle out there as I have a home that always welcomes me. That is the place where there are people who love, teach, protect and take care of me when I am ill and in adversity.

So now in your opinion, does Thay deserve respect and gratitude?

I have tried my best. From now on, whether I can keep on trying or not depends on you.”

Above are words of gratitude to Thay Thich Truc Thai Minh from a Buddhist, who applies Thay's teachings in her daily life and to a certain extent, achieves happiness and peace.

We would like to invite Buddhists and everyone to share the benefits that you have gained when learning and applying the Buddha Dharma in your daily life in the comment section below, or send a message to Fanpage Thich Truc Thai Minh so that many people can learn from what your experience and have a firm belief in the Three Jewels.